Kaguya Wants to be Comforted
by bilalterus
Summary: After the events of chapter 97 (Nagisa Kashiwagi wants to put him to death), Kaguya has a troublesome dream, one in which the President asks out... Fujiwara!


**A Kaguya comfort fic... eventually.**

* * *

_The boy's hand slammed onto the wall behind her._

"_Kaguya Shinomiya, won't you go out with me?" _

_The slender heiress, calm despite being up against the wall, looked the boy up and down. He had wavy, silky hair and a voice to match. He was tall, and his features were symmetrical, and he exuded confidence. No wonder he was the most popular boy in the school. She would be a fool to turn him down._

_Kaguya grinned inwardly. _If he was real, of course!

_Yes! Kaguya, with her natural genius, was able to identify when she was asleep! This phenomenon, known as lucid dreaming, meant she had some control over her dreams, and was generally able to recall the events after waking up. _

The position of the sun indicates these are school hours, and we are out behind the school building, but there is nobody around. _Kaguya glanced downwards. _We are both in uniform as well. Yet I do not know anything about this boy.

_She looked around, humming as her mind raced through calculations. There was no sound of birds, no cherry blossoms, no breeze gentle or strong. This was far too unnatural to be real. _

_Having completed her analysis, there was only one optimal response._

"_How dare you direct your salacious gaze at me, you pig," she said, smiling sweetly. _

_The nameless boy stepped backwards, confused by the response. Kaguya then concentrated, and he disintegrated into dust that settled into a neat pile on the floor._

Anyway, now that's done for, _she thought. _I wonder what my mind will produce next.

_Usually her mind produced something related to her studies in history or science, or fighting some fantastical beast that tied into her archery practice, all depending on her activities that day. Dreams usually had an element of the unnatural, ran on their own logic. She'd previously dreamt she had discovered a mathematical theorem which she had, upon waking, realised was complete nonsense._

_The scene dissolved, and pitch black surrounded her. Kaguya felt vividly like she was falling, though there was no light or wind to indicate it. Then, she landed, hitting a floor like a ball landing into water, sinking slightly into the floor with no resistance, and then floating back up to standing normally on the ground that had appeared. Ahead of her was the President._

_Dreams about the President were not uncommon either, as her subconscious processed the the events of the day or trialled ideas for successfully trapping the President into confessing. Though the ideas typically were too outlandish to apply in real life, there was no harm in indulging them. For the sake of research, of course!_

_However, this time, Shirogane was facing away from her. He seemed to be looking down, talking to something. Kaguya couldn't determine who it was and stepped closer, her view now magnifying dramatically as if she was standing next to him. President was standing over… a pig?_

_Shirogane's hand slammed onto the wall behind it._

"_Chika Fujiwara, won't you go out with me?"_

"_Sure, Miyuki-oink!"_

Noooooooooooooooooo!

_Having immediately forgotten she was dreaming,_ _Kaguya darted forwards, armed desperately outstretched, but she could not get any closer. The features of pig-Fujiwara were grinning ear to ear at the President, and he too stared back lovingly with those that piercing gaze and genuine smile._

"_Oh Fujiwara, I can't wait to gobble you up..."_

"_Miyuki, I'll definitely satisfy you-oink!"_

_Kaguya screamed again and leapt forward, 50 feet into the air, President and pig-Fujiwara shrinking into dots. But as she dived down towards them, two looming demon figures obstructed her path. _

"_Apologies, Kaguya-chan, but I cannot allow you to interrupt," Kashiwagi said, her voice unnaturally deep and booming despite her face being completely normal. Kashiwagi's boyfriend stood beside her, his expression apologetic despite the spiked club he wielded. Kashiwagi plucked Kaguya from the air and slammed her down onto the ground, pinning her, leaving her with the perfect view of the President lovingly stroking pig-Fujiwara with a finger while the animal giggled in delight.  
_

_Meanwhile, Kashiwagi, and Kashiwagi's boyfriend, shared a crude, sloppy kiss. The slurping, sloshing sound drowned out everything else. Kaguya recoiled in horror and covered her face with her hands, but to no avail. She could still clearly see Kashiwagi and Kashiwagi's boyfriend's mouths mashing themselves against each other._

"_Kaguya-senpai, let me help!" _

_The trapped girl turned her head to see Ishigami, clad in knightly steel armour, charging forward. Kaguya's heart swelled with pride as she saw her kouhai rush fearlessly into attacking with a glowing golden sword. How long was it? 53 metres? Ishigami roared with determination and raised his sword for a swing. But... Kashiwagi's boyfriend's spiked club crushed him instantly. _

They're too alpha! _Kaguya realised in despair. _I should have known! What can I do?

Hayasaka! She can do something! Where is Hayasaka?

"_Kaguya-sama, I am afraid I too am in need of some assistance."_

_Kaguya turned her head. There, in the distance, was Hayasaka, being carried up a building by a giant ape with bug eyes. This was because Kaguya had watched King Kong the evening before. But there was no rational explanation for the bug eyes. Not everything in a dream has deep meaning._

_Shirogane and pig-Fujiwara finally noticed Kaguya. Her expression was desperate as she tried to escape Kashiwagi's clutches._

"_Hey Kaguya-oink! Don't you want to oink oink an oink with us two-ooiink!"_

"_What does that even mean?!" Kaguya cried._

"_It's ok, Chika. We don't need Shinomiya," Shirogane said dismissively. "She doesn't even walk on all fours."_

"_At your earliest convenience, Kaguya-sama," Hayasaka said, her upper torso sticking out of the bug-ape's mouth, and she was slowly receding into it as the giant, hairy beast slowly slurped its victim down like a strand of spaghetti._

_Kaguya's mind exploded into action, but it was too scrambled to focus on anything other than pig-Fujiwara pushing her snout up against the President's neck, giggling sensually, Prez's expression one of pure satisfaction..._

_Pushed to its limits, her brain reset itself. Kaguya closed her eyes deliberately, and opened them again, now with new purpose. With her free hand, she released her ribbon, and it disappeared into bubbles. _

"_Kashiwagi-san, release me." It was a command, not a request._

_Suddenly, everything became quiet, calm. Shinomiya stood up and brushed herself off calmly. The alpha couple backed away slowly as the Ice Queen glared at them, and with a snap of her fingers, the two giants were encased in huge, separate steel boxes, and flung apart to opposite ends of the horizon. Their lustful ways were done with. Then, having seen enough, Shinomiya looked away, back towards pig-Fujiwara. Even Shirogane stopped and stared, though his expression was neutral, as Shinomiya's gaze burned like a laser directly at the voluptuous beast, who continued nuzzling Shirogane obliviously. She began striding towards them. Step by step._

"_Kaguya-sama? Any advance on freeing me?" Hayasaka asked politely, only her head now sticking out and visible outside of the great ape's mouth. _

"_Hm?" Shinomiya turned her head slightly. "No, I have no need to free you. You may serve me by not being in my way."_

"_Very well, Kaguya-sama," Hayasaka bowed her head, as the bug-eyed gorilla fully swallowed her. The maid's voice echoed from the beast's stomach. "You know best and I exist only to serve you!"_

_As if she had already forgotten her servant, Shinomiya continued striding forward, until she was square above the pink-bellied, pink-haired swine. _

"_Fujiwara."_

_This finally caught the attention of the pink pig. "Oink?"_

"_I have a more fitting partner for you."_

_A snap of the fingers turned Shinomiya's ex-friend into a cloud of glistening pink dust that collected on the floor in a neat pile, her signature bow floating gently down to settle on the remains. Kaguya blew coolly, and the pile of dust wailed loudly in shock as it was swept far away, before it settled next to the grey dust-pile that was the boy from earlier. _

"_Oh! Are you single?" Dust-pig-Fujiwara asked the disintegrated boy, her lust for Miyuki clearly forgotten._

_The Ice Queen tutted and turned away. Now, she was finally able to face Shirogane alone. There he was, right in front of her as she turned. She could feel his breath on her, feel his body heat. She looked up to see those glaring eyes._

_She grabbed the scruff of his collar and pulled him even closer. "Isn't there someone else you should be slamming against a wall?"_

_Shirogane tutted._

"_I thought you had changed." _

"_Wha-?" _

_Kaguya's eyes widened. The President was now staring down at her in disgust. The body warmth was gone, replaced by a distant coldness, and Kaguya found it hard to breathe, like her chest was being restricted by a pile of tree branches that had grown around her, rooting her to the spot._

_Kaguya now felt herself physically shrinking until the President was standing entirely over her, gazing down at her as if looking at a slimy insect. "You can't even instantly solve multiple complex and irrational dream problems without abandoning your servant and disintegrating your dear friend? Do you think that I could ever fall for someone like that?"_

_Kaguya trembled as Shirogane raised a colossal shoe, one whose shadow covered Kaguya entirely. There was nowhere for her to run as it lowered down on her._

"_How cute…"_

* * *

It was morning. Hayasaka was already dressed and alert, ready for the daily morning routine to begin. Hayasaka rapped her knuckles on Kaguya's door with her gentle recognisable knock, and paused for a moment to allow Kaguya to stir or ready herself. Sometimes Kaguya would call for her to enter, or moan over being woken up so early. Today, however, there was no sound.

She cracked the door open gradually and peered inside. Kaguya was sitting upright, completely still. Her eyes were open, but downcast. Hayasaka frowned. Kaguya-sama must have had a traumatic night.

"Good morning, Kaguya-sama. Are you alright?"

The young master still sat motionless. Most likely it was a dream relating to the President. Those were common these days.

Hayasaka edged closer. "What did you dream about? Was it Shirogane? Did he buy you the wrong kind of chiffon robes for a wedding anniversary again?"

"Am I likeable?"

Hayasaka did a double take. "Hm?"

"Am I likeable?" Kaguya repeated, in a vulnerable whisper.

Hayasaka wondered what kind of dream she must have had, to have knocked her confidence this much. This was deeper than a simple bad dream. Hayasaka straightened up, and took a breath to compose herself.

"Kaguya-sama. You are the sparkling jewel of the Shinomiya family. You are both beautiful and intelligent. You contribute to the school in your position as Vice President, and everyone around you is better off for knowing you. Those who do not like you are foolish or ignorant."

It was a speech pieced together from statements Hayasaka had heard from various sources, including things said by Kaguya herself. It had been what was drilled into them from a young age: a strong logical argument which should dispel any vague doubts one would have in oneself. Yet it did little to lift the young heiress.

"I don't believe you," Kaguya said, sullenly. "Prove it."

Hayasaka bit her tongue. She knew Kaguya was just upset. "Well, why are you so uncertain?"

"In my dream, I solved all of my problems ruthlessly, efficiently. The way I used to be. I was harsh to my friends, to you. Now I am aware it was just a dream," Kaguya added, before Hayasaka could interject, "But I should have saved you from being eaten by that gorilla."

Hayasaka bit her tongue again, before turning her face away for a moment to wipe away some blood. She couldn't exactly criticise Kaguya for her behaviour in the dream. Not in these circumstances.

"There is precedent in reality. When I put that French wench in her place, when I bought the votes for the student council elections... I know the incidents were justified on an individual basis, but knowing that I could switch to that any time… it scares me. And surely it intimidates those around me." Her eyes started misting over. "They only suffer me because of my ability and resources."

"Kaguya…" Hayasaka sat on the bed, next to the girl she considered a sister, who was burying her head in her arms. Hayasaka laid a comforting hand on her shoulder. "The people around you knew who you were. Despite that, they've stayed with you, showed concern for you. Look-" Hayasaka picked up the phone and flicked through the pictures. Kaguya, sniffling, poked her head up to take a look. "These are not the faces of people who are suffering you.

She handed her master the phone, and she clutched it delicately, with her two hands. "Tell me: have any of them ever asked you for anything?" Hayasaka was not certain of the answer. It was a bit of a stab in the dark. But she was confident, and sure enough, Kaguya shook her head.

"There you go. You are surrounded by people who love you for who you are, faults and all. If you ever do switch back, I'm sure you will remember what is important.

"And of course, you will always have me. You know I consider you a precious sister." She patted the head of her faux-sibling, lightly ruffling the hair atop her head. "After all, if I was doing this job for the money, I would have quit a long time ago."

They embraced, and Hayasaka felt her master's body language lighten. "I suppose I was allowing my subconscious mind to have me doubt myself. It shall not happen again." Kaguya smiled warmly. "Thank you, Hayasaka. I am truly lucky to have a sister like you."

Hayasaka smiled, glad she could lift her sibling in spirit. _If only she could be this sweet all the time. _Her task complete, and conscious of her other duties, Hayasaka excused herself, and stepped away to leave.

"Oh, Hayasaka? That comment earlier… were you implying that I am difficult to work for?" Kaguya called, just as Hayasaka was about to leave the room.

"Tea is ready, my lady," Hayasaka smirked, without turning around, and she rapidly exited, clicking the door shut to avoid any projectiles hurled by the incensed master.

"Hayasaka! Get back here this instant! HAYASAKAA!"

The maid leaned on the door, feeling the soft thud as various objects hit the other side with pinpoint accuracy. She imagined Kaguya's expression in the room: fuming, pouty, still cute, all thoughts forgotten other than her slight remark.

Her job was hard, and in all honesty she did want to change. But Kaguya-sama needed her, and she would fulfil that duty to the end.

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**Hope you enjoyed. And for those who have read my other story and commented/followed/favourited, thank you so much! I guess I had better continue it!**


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